Black or white
Life doesn’t have to be black or white.
For a long time, I’ve thought that if I want to be a certain way, I have to go all in. If I’m going to start running, I need to run everyday. If I want to use my phone less, then I can’t use it at all. Deviations were a failure and there were a strict set of rules to follow.
But I’ve learned that this way of thinking just doesn’t work. It’s short-term. I eventually get resentful towards the rules and I quit.
I’ve realized I need to create space for these deviations without feeling like a failure if I want it to work in the long run.
A few months ago, Shivantika and I were thinking about becoming vegan. The old me would’ve gone all in - vegan or nothing. And I’m confident I would’ve eventually quit. But this time, we built room for deviations. We became weekday vegans. It’s working and I think it’s going to stick. Certainly longer than it would’ve otherwise.
I think it can be much harder to live in the gray. In many respects, having strict rules is easier. It gives you clear guidelines to follow. If you break the rules, you’re doing something wrong. By being more flexible, you can technically justify anything and that can be a slippery slope.
That’s why adopting this flexibility requires even more discipline — you can’t give yourself excuses when you don’t deserve it. It’s about striving for that right balance between self-compassion and self-discipline. Only you really know what that looks like.
But if we can find that balance — that balance of pushing ourselves but creating space for ourselves — then I think we’ve unlocked one of the keys to help us live our best lives.