Schadenfreude is one of those dark things that many of us feel but feel too uncomfortable to talk about. It’s the feeling that you sometimes get when something good happens for someone you care about but for some inexplicable reason, you feel bad. It’s not even that you don’t feel happy… in fact, you feel unhappy.
After peeling back the layers, in some dark corner deep in your heart, there is jealousy. It often comes from a place of insecurity. “Why couldn’t it be me?” or “I wish I had done that.” For me, schadenfreude sometimes comes up with regards to career achievement, when someone does well at something that I have been working towards but haven’t been able to crack myself.
But the worst part of schadenfreude is the guilt. You’re generally a good human being and you want to be happy for that person. But you feel so guilty that you aren’t. And that eats at you. In some ways, you feel kind of evil.
But you’re not. It’s normal and while it’s something we need to work on, it’s okay.
Confronting it starts with self-awareness. Accepting that it is coming from a place of insecurity. And reminding yourself, in a compassionate and understanding way, that it’s not fair to project your insecurities on someone else.
It’s a process and it’s normal. Often times insecurities take years and years to overcome. But at least by starting with awareness and compassion, you can observe the feeling and start to let it pass.